What To Do When Positive Parenting Goes Off the Deep End…Literally

It’s already mid-summer, and we’re five days into a relentless heat wave. The air quality has been so poor that we’ve barely been able to be outside for longer than a quick car transfer, and it’s starting to wear on us. As a family, we’re usually outdoors soaking up every ounce of sunshine but lately our days have been filled with crafts, pretend play, baking, and way too many movies. We’re missing summer, and more than anything we’re missing pool days, beach days and fun in the water (not just the sun).

Water play has become more than just about cooling off for us. It’s about building confidence and practicing safety skills, especially with two toddlers in tow. Water safety is one of our top priorities for this year so we decided to invest in weekly lessons with a swim instructor. Luckily, our evening time slots have stayed consistent despite the weather.

But I’m going to be honest here: this mom is about ready to throw in the towel.

I have two girls: one who’s already been through two rounds of lessons, and one who’s brand new to swimming. If I told you that one of them spends the entire 30 minute class screaming at the top of her lungs, refusing to get in, and ultimately just sitting on the steps playing with toys…who would you guess that would be?

Yep, it’s the “experienced” one.

It feels like we’re moving in reverse. She used to love practicing her kicks and jumping off the edge back in the fall. Now, she won’t even dip a toe in without throwing a fit. As a parent you start spiraling. What changed? Is it the instructor? The environment? Mercury in retrograde? I started comparing past swim coaches, especially the ones who used songs and games to build comfort. Our current instructor is more direct. She makes it a priority to maximize on our time together rather than easing into the session. While that works wonders for my youngest, who is absolutely thriving and is basically a mermaid now, it’s been a total miss for my oldest.

And that’s when it hit me: I know this. I teach this. I talk all the time about how different kids have different learning styles. I encourage other parents and educators to tailor their approaches based on how each child grasps and retains information. And yet, I’d completely forgotten to apply it to my own daughter.

Sometimes, it’s easier to look for outside explanations rather than lean into what we already know: that our kids learn and thrive in their own unique ways. And when we understand their style, we can help others connect with them too.

So today, I did something that felt awkward, like asking to change your pedicure color after the first foot is done kind of awkward. I reached out to our swim instructor. I thanked her for helping my youngest thrive and then shared some insights about my oldest such as how she responds best to songs, games and imaginative play. I suggested a few ways we might reframe the lesson, not because the instructor was doing anything wrong, but because I could see my daughter slipping further away from the water, both physically and emotionally. And you know what? She was completely open to it. She was grateful for the insight and even brought her own ideas to the table.

That’s the thing about parenting, we’re constantly adjusting our sails. We might still be headed to the same destination, but the route changes. Sometimes, speaking up on behalf of our kids isn’t about creating conflict or undermining someone’s expertise. It’s simply about saying, “I know my child best.” Most coaches and teachers (especially the younger ones) want to connect. They want to see progress, they want to help and they want to see their students succeed, because that’s what makes them succeed as well. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that they’re on a learning path too.

Sometimes when we’re paying for a service, we expect a specific result. It’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap, especially in a season where our feeds are filled with little same-aged swimmers doing cannonballs, but let’s remember that’s just the highlight reel. Behind those moments, there are tears, refusals, and parents wondering if they’re doing it all wrong.

If you’re in the thick of it too, whether it’s swimming or another learning path, just remember: it’s okay to pivot. It’s okay to speak up. And it’s okay if your journey looks different from everyone else’s.

Because when we tune into our children and work alongside the people supporting them, we all move forward together, even if it’s one slow, cautious step into the shallow end at a time.