De-coding ‘big feelings’

Today, my daughter said four words to me that I did not see coming. 

“I don’t like you.” 

“What did you just say to mommy?”

“I don’t like you.”

“Why would you say that?”

Silence.  

She couldn’t find the words to express to me how she was truly feeling.  I didn’t see that earlier, but sitting here reflecting now, I can at least try to understand.  I knew why she said it.  My daughter is weeks away from turning 3, but we’re still in the terrible twos (and admittedly they haven’t been terrible at all).  I admire her curiosity, her determination and her matter-of-fact personality.  She knows what she wants.  Now, enter little sister.  Little sister who just wants to play along at times and feel included.  Today was one of those days.  Unfortunately it was also one of the times that they weren’t getting along.  When the situation got physical with pushing and shoving from my eldest, I removed her from the situation into a calm environment where she could reflect on the altercation.  

Yes, I gave her a time out. 

Did I raise my voice?  Guilty. Did I immediately remove her from the situation? Check.  Did I comfort little sisters’ cries over hers?  Immediately.  So, I get where the “I don’t like you” came from. I guess I just did not expect it. It was the first time she’s ever uttered those words to me and man did it hurt. It still does.  It likely will continue to. 

I encourage my kids to express themselves when they’re uncomfortable with a situation. We learn to say “I don’t like that”.  To be vocal when they aren’t happy with something or someone.   So why would I let this situation affect me differently?  She expressed herself just as I’ve taught her, the only difference this time was that I was the subject in this sentence.  

But…

I was also the first one she called out for when she woke up today.  

I was the parent she chose to snuggle with when she jumped into our bed this morning. I was the one she asked to hold hands with as we journeyed on our family walk this afternoon. 

Actions speak when the words are still being learned.  

So as much as it hurt, I’m proud of my kid for expressing herself.  She didn’t like the situation as much as I didn’t.  And she let me know it the best way she knew how.